As of today, I no longer am a student at Lycee Pierre Bayen. It just doesn't work for me, and I refuse to continue to wait for time to pass. If you know me, you know I'm big on time and what it represents, what it is. If this is all I have for certain in life, I prefer not to waste it.
Anyway, it seems the only choice I have is to change schools with the chance of being placed in terminal (equivilent to gr 12). However, this is only a chance because this is the year the students have their bac, which are huuuge exams they need to prepare for and pass in order to graduate.
I dont know if a new school will change a lot, but I am remaining optimistic because at least it is something different.
My host-mom, Claire, has been helping me a lot with this. I feel so fortunate with my family placement. And I think I've learned how to be open with them about everything- my problems mainly. So all is good.
Yesterday also went to Troyes with my bud Pierre. Twas a good time. On the care ride home I watched as the whole family spoke excitedly about the new things they bought. I had returned empty handed, which came as a shock to everyone. Apparently it is not french to shop for a day and buy nothing?! Tis the fashion thing, i guess. It was a good day nonetheless. And it snowed.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Oh god, how easily I had forgotten the morning drag of waking myself up at 6:45. The drowsy breakfast, struggling to shut the non-functioning car door, the drive up to lycee.
The reality of my 2 weeks vacation ending hit me while I was sitting in geography today. It felt a lot like I was reliving a memory. That I shouldn't be there, that I had finished with this school experience and it was all in the past. Unfortunately that is not the case, and I have to resettle myself into this hell of a routine.
Back to my 7,8,9,10 hour days. Back to sitting in classrooms where authority rules and I am spoken to as if I am less. Back to tryinging to entertain myself as I sit through classes I don't care for, not even with a tiny fraction of my heart or mind. Back to enduring time.
I can honestly say if I had known what school was like here, I would have chosen another country.
Good luck, make it through january without cracking. At least I can say I now know the value of a day.